


Unworthy of Your Love

by thatwhirringsound



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-24
Updated: 2013-09-24
Packaged: 2017-12-27 12:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwhirringsound/pseuds/thatwhirringsound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is a broken toy soldier, how could he ever be worthy of the Righteous Man's love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unworthy of Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](http://forgottentrenchcoats.tumblr.com)
> 
> [Livejournal](http://whirringsounds.livejournal.com)

Castiel peers at the man before him. The one that he held in his very hands, shattered and broken on several occasions. The one he pieced back together with his own Grace. The one that fought tooth and nail to ensure his escape from Purgatory.

In that moment he sees only his soul, the bright, beautiful thing that it is. And he realizes how much he missed this. This easy connection that they share. In Purgatory he was so out of touch with his Grace that everything had been dulled.

But now the light was back.

His light that lead him through his darkest moments.

The light that flares up in happiness and adoration, unconsciously reaching for him when he steps into view. It pulls him in, as if to ensure he won’t run away again. Oh, by his Father how much he wanted to push back against the pull, to give in, to just give himself over and tell Dean that  _no, I am not leaving again,_ and  _yes, I promise to always fight by your side._

But he can’t. He has committed too many wrongs.

He could not even stay faithful to his own Father, the one who created him, the one who blessed him with life. What hope did he have with this fragile human? For Dean may not have given him being, but he gave him reasons to live every day, reasons to rebel and think and just be, and he loved him for that.

Just as he had loved his Father who had abandoned him.

No, he could not go through this, he could not give himself to something that will only leave him in the end. How could he not leave? Castiel was broken, shattered. He had killed and blasphemed and given in to sin and that was why everyone left him in the end.

He would never be good enough for the Righteous Man,

Savior of Man and the Earth.

Savior of Castiel, the broken angel.

He needed to be a soldier, it was the only constant he has anymore. If he could not do penance for his sins in Purgatory then he could at least fall back into place at Dean’s side. His silent apology for all of the wrongs he has done him.

**Better?**

The soul-light flickers, confused, it can sense everything Castiel is not saying in this statement. The angel can only hope that his human (because he was still Castiel’s, despite everything) ignores what his instincts are telling him. That Castiel is not better. That Castiel wants to love Dean back so much and can’t because he is not worthy of his love.

Dean’s eyes search his for a moment before he offers a small smile in return.

**Yeah.**

Castiel doesn’t believe him


End file.
